Публикации от раздел 'Технологии' ↓

Поредната лудница, излязла от MIT Media Lab, търси по име и фамилия и синтезира визуално и в реално време всичко, което намери за дадения обект по някакъв странен, но шарен алгоритъм. Склонен съм да се съмнявам в точността му, след като си пуснах името три пъти и имах три леко различаващи се резултата. Освен това Владислав Лазаров е beekeeper с 15 години опит и мераци за емиграция, а Павел Иванов е роден в Москва в семейство на циркови артисти и е доктор по нещо си.

Липсата на графа porn също ме притеснява.

kori: How may I help you ?
client: I want to see you naked
kori: ..
client: I want to see you nude
client: I wanna see your bare naked body
client: Can you help me with this???
kori: This largely depends on the specifics of your sexual disorder
client: I am sexually perfect my dear and I wanna see your naked body
client: Can u show me that
client: ?????
kori: If you have already received a diagnosis, it would be easier for us to help you out
kori: Perhaps it’s erectile disfunction?
client: Are u a whore????
kori: Are you?
client: Are you married??
kori: Is that a proposal?
client: Yes
kori: Then no
kori: Please go away
client: Then have sex with me
kori: Not technically possible since I’m nowhere near New Delhi and you have erectile disfunction

Днес отговарям на имейли – една по-различна част от работата ми, в която комуникацията с клиентите не е ограничена до няколко думи и те спокойно могат да разгърнат целия си мисловен и езиков потенциал, хвърляйки малко светлина върху некартографирани досега страни на своите многообразни личности.

dear business man,

since one month i am facing so much technical problem in server and i raised many ticket to your technical team. But they are unable to solve any of that. What a fucking team u have. Now i have four domain in your server. no domain is working. Please return my money otherwise solve all problem within 24 hours. What a fucking business i am doing with you. please check my server nothing is working. Please release me from your fucking business. my client is giving me so much pressure.

ada: hi
ada: i ordered a service 5 hours ago
ada: and you said me i would get it in 6 hours
ada: but i didnt

client: hi
kori: Hello
client: i want to buy business windows hosting plan
kori: Okay, how may I help you?
client: but i want to sell hosting to my customers but i will not give control panel access.
kori: You can only resell with a reseller plan
client: but i will not give control panel accesss
kori: We don’t allow reselling on other than reseller plans
client: i just create site for my customers and charge them for hosting
kori: We don’t allow reselling on other than reseller plans
client: ok but how do you determine if someone is selling from shared plans
client: i have dozens of web sites
client: and i want to host them on the shared plan
kori: If you have a lot of totally unrelated sites, a lot of totally unrelated IPs logging into the FTP, etc
kori: It’s really simple.
client: but i may have a lot of totally unrelated sites and only i will log into ftp to update them
kori: You just told me that you want to resell your space, sir
client: but we are a web site designer company and we will create web sites and host these web site on the shared plan
kori: Which is reselling space.
client: our customers will not access to control panel but we will charge our customers
kori: Sir, there are only this many ways that I can tell you the following fundamental fact: if you intend to resell your space, you need to get a reseller plan. If you get a shared plan and resell your space, you will be suspended.
client: but what is the difference between a shared and reseller space, resellers provide control panel for each site but shared ones do not
client: all sites are managed from single site
client: single control panel
kori: Resellers are allowed to resell their space, shared clients are not
client: so how could one can host unlimited or even 5000 sites which all belong to him
kori: We allow up to 5000 sites, we don’t ask you to host them all
client: why not 500 or 50
client: or not 50,000
client: :D
kori: Are you serious?
client: but your plans seem to me not much serious
client: any way thanks
kori: You’re welcome

client: i want to ask that what does 5000 sites means in business hosting plan
client: ???
kori: It means 5000 sites, sir
kori: What else could it mean
client: explain it
client: does that means you can host upto 5000 sites using this hosting plan
kori: That’s exactly what it means, sir

Ако ви е писнало от тия глупаци – на мен също. Имам блестяща нова идея, с която скоро да ги премахнем от лицето на земята… почти. Стей тюна.

client: i want to host a website in which i will provide links of softwares to download that are hosted on third party web servers like rapidshare.com and i will put the links of rapidshare.com on my webpages that will be hosted on your server
kori: We don’t allow that, I’m afraid.
client: why are you afraid
kori: It’s an expression
kori: I’m not literally afraid
kori: But we don’t allow that anyway
client: but some websites are hosted on your server that are doing this
kori: We need to stop them!

client: Hi Kori
client: i forget the password for the support, which i can see the tickets
client: i already changed it, but immediatily i forget it
client: how i can retrieve it, the issue the main email is don“t work
client: client@client-group.com, not working now
kori: You need to open a support ticket so that our staff can manually change your contact details
client: ok i will see
kori: You should probably look into some vitamins for your memory problem as well
client: good suggestion

*moar!*

client2: sir your support even dont asnwer to ticket
kori: We are sorry for the inconvenience
client2: its two times thats why i finally decided to move away
kori: It’s sad to see you go

client: i have to create LifeCRM.net folder in httpdocs
kori: You don’t have to create folders, but you can
kori: Anything you place in httpdocs will be visible
kori: an index.html file in that folder will become yourdomain.com/index.html
kori: a folder will become yourdomain.com/folder
client: so i have to create lifecrm.net folder in httpdocs
kori: Sure

*moar*

client2: do  u support ms sql-2005?
kori: Yes, we do
client2: but in plan list u have mentioned only mysql not ms sql-2005
kori: We have 2008 by default – which supports 05 – and we can move you to a server with 2005 if you need it
client2: but u have mentioned only ms sql in hosting plans list.
client2: why not both
kori: Because 2008 already supports 2005 – it would be redundant
client2: you have not mentioned 2008 also
kori: Sir, both are mentioned all over the site.
kori: And even if they weren’t, I have already confirmed/explained that for you so you don’t need to repeat it
client2: PostgreSQL Database Support means what
kori: It means that this plan supports PostgreSQL
kori: It also means that you’re not looking at the Windows plans at all
kori: Which can explain why you can’t see anything about MS SQL

Едно щи кажа – още ме побиват малко тръпки, кога видя някой боч (с шкембе) на 30 да се целува с някоя овца (с цици) на 15. Не го приемам и тва е. Сигурно ще ми мине чак като стана боч на 30 – шкембе и ся си имам.

Такива неща мога да съчиня само като съм на Стара Загора. За всички псевдо seo експерти/ентусиасти – думата „цици“ в един пост се равнява на 10 долара гугла-реклама, „петя дикова“ е около 5.